Wednesday, October 13, 2010

An inspired paragraph

The tenant who is going to replace us is trying to nickel and dime us on the cost of buying our kitchen, which we bought at Ikea; truthfully it's really pissing me off, and I was writing a very long email to him; I ended up eliminating this paragraph, since it didn't fit into the general spirit of the email (i.e. "stop being a dick"). But, I thought it was too good not to share:

Truthfully, it's still by far the best option for everyone if you buy the kitchen; purchasing a new one will cost you a lot of time, money, and inconvenience. I also don't think you realize the depth and pain that was involved in doing it - the weekends lost at Ikea that could have been spent on the slopes or at the Biergarten: the endless hours spent at home using Ikea's software to configure the kitchen just right, only to find out later that a single item has been discontinued and now you need to start over: the soul-crushing lunches spent staring with exhausted, glassy eyes at your lover over a platter of meatballs as you wash down yet another aspirin with generic Swedish cola-flavored soda, too mentally worn out to think about anything except that the day's only half-over, and you've lost count of the number of Saturdays you've wasted in this yellow-blue hell, and you know in your heart of hearts that when you stumble out of those glass doors tonight, looking like a drunkard getting kicked out of a bar after last call, that you STILL won't have purchased a kitchen. THAT is what you are negotiating yourself into.


Of course it's very late, and I've spent the last hour or two writing this email, and the last hour or two before that fuming and trying to calm myself down so I could write the email, and the last many hours before that trying to get all my loose ends tied up for work before we go to EGYPT on Friday (w00t!) for 2 weeks - then it's almost immediately back to NY for an apartment-hunting trip, then we get 2 last weeks in Munich to say good-bye to everyone, then back to NY for good on Nov 22 or so.
Anyway, enough babbling - time to get to bed - our young friend Maike has her Vierteljahrhundertegeburtstag tomorrow, so we're all celebrating, and I don't want to look like too much of an old man.

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